Do's and Don'ts -- Guidelines for Helping after a Assault

 Do

• Do respect boundaries by giving the victim personal comfort space
• Do ask the victim how you can help
• Do listen to what the victim feels comfortable sharing
• Do provide information about how to connect with the CARE assault response and education program. The student can call Dee Casey, 962-CARE (2273) who can respond confidentially and give information on the phone or in person in the CARE office @ Westside Hall. She will also talk about other services available on and off campus.
• Do state that sexual assault is never the victim’s fault
• Do allow the victim to make personal decisions about how to proceed
• Do support the victim's choices

Don't

• Don't assume you can give a hug or sit closely to the victim
• Don't ask the victim for details
• Don't tell the person what to do (e.g., you have to go to therapy; you must report this)
• Don't make statements or ask question that imply victim-blaming (e.g., "I guess you learned your lesson; this is what happens when you drink too much; I tried to warn you not to go to that place; what were you wearing; why were you so trusting?")
• Don't assume you know what would be best for the victim.
• Don't tell others about someone else's private story. If you are feeling stressed in dealing with your friend, consult with and get support from the CARE program. You can call Dee Casey, 962-CARE (2273.)
• Don’t be judgmental if the victim responds in a way that is unfamiliar to you. It is very normal for someone to decide not to report or to delay seeking supportive counseling until months (or more) after an assault.

There is additional pertinent information is you are a male friend of a survivor of sexual assault. To look at some other things to keep in mind if this is the case, please see our Men's Guide on How to Help.

For more information, contact UNCW CARE at 962-CARE or care@uncw.edu.